Let me try to tell the story of what happened here. It all started with a text message.
Regrettably, I don't have that first text that triggered of her response. It went like this ..
"Hello ma fren! How are you feeling today? Read yesterday you said you were PMS-ing and feeling sian on Facebook? .. "
Let me first give you some background info. Suzy had missed her period and was quite worried she might be pregnant. Now while that would thrill most young women, Suzy was done with the baby making and her 2nd kid was already 4 and she was already 43. So a baby wasn't on her cards at all. So she had been fretting.
When she had posted a Facebook update the day before and mentioned something about PMS-ing, I was relieved for her. Well, she'd always wanted 3 kids she had said a few times before .. but I know she wasn't too thrilled it was happening NOW. So while I had teased her initially about possibly being pregnant, I knew how far I could go and dropped the teasing after awhile. So when she posted a PMS related post .. I thought oh well .. she isn't pregnant after all since she feels hormonal.
Awhile later she responded .. and frankly, it knocked my socks off. I was shaking as I reread the text to confirm what I had understood.
Now, look at the datestamp on the text. This was a Wednesday. I had JUST met up with Suzy a few days before that (Fri or Sat) .. and I was the one who told her to hold off taking a pregnancy test COS IT WAS TOO EARLY TO TELL. So if I already know that .. since I have taken and gotten 5 positive pregnancy tests before so I do have a clue WHEN to do the test .. it would stand to reason, that my simple text of asking her how she was feeling had nothing to do with her possible pregnancy .. but just a SIMPLE "Hello-how-are-you" text. *sigh*
I can never accurately describe how I felt reading her text. She wasn't some random friend or acquaintance. My gosh, she was my closest friend. And here she thought I was being NOSY and IRRITATING. My hand was shaking as I tried to organize my thoughts and send her a reply. Of course, my first instinct was to correct her initial misunderstanding. And to let her know that I was hurt by what she said. And yes, of course I was pissed off she had chosen to use such vulgar language on me, I chose to try and make my reply light-hearted and also try to explain that I hadn't meant anything from my text besides "hallo, how are you" and to tell her that it was rude to swear at me like that .. and that it was hurtful.
Yes, I was hurt. I cried on and off the whole day. I couldn't believe she had chosen to speak to me in such a way. IF I had been a busybody and had been trying to find out whether she had confirmed the pregnancy or not, would that still have warranted such a cutting response from her? Why did she think it was ok to speak like that to a friend?
So when I sent her my reply, I dunno what I expected but this wasn't it :
As another close friend pointed out to me, what's with all her shouting? lol. Anyway, I was stuck. She wanted me to own up, as she said, to something I hadn't done .. ie that my recent texts to her .. the "how are you feeling today, my friend" ones .. were all somehow hinting to find out whether she was expecting after all -- that's what she felt they were.
Of course there was no way I was gonna admit to something I hadn't done. What the hell. I was the one who had JUST told her that it was really no point taking a pregnancy test yet .. just wait a week or 2, I had distinctly said.
And of course, I was not going to call her when she was in that kinda mood. She would end up shouting at me for real I'm sure. And for me, I'll cry cos I cannot get into confrontations with people I love. I almost always cry when my hubby and I fight. We don't argue often, but when we do, I am miserable and I cry.
Anyway, I was also not in the mood to explain myself yet again to her. Why? .. Just from a simple text of "how are you feeling today, my friend?" she accused me of God knows what?!
I immediately blocked her on Whatsapp. Because I was still too upset and seriously shocked things had escalated so quickly. I needed time to think. I couldn't even relate what had happened to a few close friends. I was crying on the phone ..
I was disappointed that when I told her I was hurt by what she had said .. she didn't care. Well, from her response I gathered that it wasn't of importance. And as I cried off and on that day, I also knew that our friendship was over. Respect should be part of any relationship. I know I respect her enough as a person and as my closest friend never to use language like that on her.
But I needed to tell her once again that I was really cut by her words. So I posted a Facebook update. It was only visible to a few people .. people that she knew. Of course, I was asking for more trouble from her .. she couldn't see the updates btw .. I had blocked and removed her as a friend by this time.
Of course, by the next morning, there were 2 SMS-es from Suzy .. while I could block her from sending me text messages on Whatsapp, she can still send me a text message via SMS. Took me awhile to decide to open it up.
Argh. I sound like a bore, don't I? Harping on what she said ..
And as the days go by .. I think, maybe I should've just ignored her swearing and admitted to what she said JUST TO KEEP THE PEACE and the friendship. I dunno if I could've really done that though. I really wonder. When does one draw the line? I always tell my husband that we need to be mindful .. that we should speak properly to each other cos we love each other ... but more often that not, we're polite to strangers on the street and yet, to the ones most dearest to our hearts, we tend to take them for granted and speak to them too casually or even rudely. I always try to do that with the kids, my hubby and my maid. I'm not perfect and I have to keep reminding myself of that .. that I should be nicer to THEM cos they are my loved ones.
When I made up my mind to remove Suzy as a friend that night before on Facebook, it was one of the hardest things I had ever done. It was the final step for me to close that door on us. We had talked about travelling together when the kids were older, or living together in the old folks' home .. lol. And I knew once I un-friended her on Facebook, that was something I couldn't take back. She had also sent me a short message on FB saying that I was this and that ... and I read it sadly thinking that she still hadn't gotten the point. It wasn't about who was right and who was wrong .. it was about being a decent person, that's all.
I really don't have a clue how long I'll feel this way. And I miss her. Not the Suzy that was over-reactive and all .. but Suzy, my closest friend. Another good friend of mine, Lynn, asked me whether I would forgive her if she apologized. I thought about it and while I would accept her apology, things will never go back to the way they were.
